My gosh it's been so long since I've had a chance to do anything blog related. My brain has been going in overdrive. I've been making tons of party plans, trying to potty train (more so than before) interview preschools for the fall and address with The Mr. on some plans regarding our future and our family. We have some decisions that aught to be made soon. Well that's a few things.
I'm totally in denial that my little guy will be one on Thursday. He's probably our last (we think) so I'm a little emotional about moving him from breast to big boy status. He's a wonderful boy and I want to celebrate his one year milestone. I kept asking myself why the big fuss. Why was I so emotional this time around; after all he wasn't my first born. Than it clicked. My daughter nursed up till 9 months than I ran dry. She went from nursing to formula for the last three months of her first year. I guess the transition from bottle to sippy cup of milk was easier. Baby J eats regular food and uses a sippy, it's just perhaps my emotions that are getting the best of me. I'm sad and feel my baby boy bonding with him as an infant has come to an end. I had such a difficult and challanging time nursing my daughter. This time with my son it was what I'd heard about from other moms ~ total bliss. The other day as I nursed him I stroked his head and he rubbed my arm and pat my face. His way of saying he loves me right back. My daughter never did those things. When she latched she ate and off playing she went. I know I'll have many times bonding with both my kids in the future. The realization that this baby/infant season of my motherhood is over is weighing heavy on me. The Mr. and I have not made that final decision that this is the end all be all; I just don't want to be pregnant again.
While many women talk about the joys of being pregnant I have another story. I had HG with both my kids. What's that?
Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. If severe and/or inadequately treated, it is typically associated with:
- loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
- dehydration and production of ketones
- nutritional deficiencies
- metabolic imbalances
- difficulty with daily activities
HG usually extends beyond the first trimester and may resolve by 21 weeks; however, it can last the entire pregnancy in less than half of these women. Complications of vomiting (e.g. gastric ulcers, esophageal bleeding, malnutrition, etc.) may also contribute to and worsen ongoing nausea. For more info click HERE
I was so terribly sick for more than half my pregnancies with both kids (up to 6 mo with my son). It was to the point I ended up passing out with baby J and ended up in the hospital due to dehydration. It effected my daily activities and production of daily life. I drank water but my body resisted anything I ate or drank. Eventually I was able to eat Ramen noodles. (which I swore after college I'd never eat again LOL). If I could know that I wouldn't get sick like that again in a third pregnancy I might want to try for another. The Mr. says he's fine with our two and considers himself quite blessed.
It's no lie that all the party planning for baby J's first birthday has been a little intense. It's probably because it's been therapeutic for me to be so engrossed in a project. That's how I deal with things sometimes. Not always the best.
To add to my emotional heaviness my heart is tugged even more as I continue to search for a preschool for my Princess. I can't even process I'm doing this already. How'd we get here so fast? She's been with me since birth. Next fall I'll be releasing her to half day preschool for up to 5 days. (if we get into the school we want). She's gone from baby to toddler to pre-k overnight. So it seems to me anyway. It's the beginning of the letting go. I always pictured this happening in teenage years but I'm faced with the reality that my babies are not babies anymore. I've seen others go before me and thought nothing of it. It's the normal facts of life. Now that it's my turn I'm admitting having a hard time. I'm usually not an emotional kind of gal and am almost asking myself "what's the deal?" in processing where I'm at as a mom and where my kids are in their relevant age & stages of life. I figure I can't be the only one who's ever felt like this.
So there it is. The raw me on the internet. I know God is helping me lye down these foundational days in my kid's lives. I'm learning a lot about myself. It's normal for me to want the best for my family. I know it will blow over and eventually I'll realize the benefits of not nursing. I will be free of the scheduling and constant clock monitoring for feedings, and the ability to have a glass of wine 'risk free' he he will once again return. Once I have pictures of our big one year old party I'll be sure to post a few.
